The Beauty of Sonder
sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own – populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness – an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
I came across the concept of sonder a few years ago and it has stuck with me. I often think about it as I meander through life. For me, it speaks to the idea of wonder, curiosity and our humanity. In February, I spent 3 weeks in Southeast Asia. It was the first time that I had been to that part of the world, a work trip that offered me the opportunity to explore Singapore and Malaysia. In between our work commitments, I decided to spend a week in Cambodia. I have always felt intrigued by it through the lens of story relayed to me by friends from their travels.
Cambodia is a place of wonder and intrigue, of history and story, of beautiful people and ancient architecture. I spent a few days in Phnom Penh and then headed up to Siem Reap to explore Angkor Wat, a magical place considered a masterpiece of ancient Khmer architecture and known as the largest religious monument in the world, as seen in the opening photograph.
When I reflect on my experiences there through a never ending series of photographs, I continue to be captivated by three of them in particular. Surprisingly, it is not the many images of grandeur that I captured that ignite memory and emotion but rather the simplicity of these three images below that draw me back to the feeling that Cambodia holds.
Each of these three images has a story, they capture a moment, a feeling, an experience. Whilst in Phnom Penh, I headed down to the river at sunset. Bustling streets, busy markets, food stalls preparing the rush of Friday night consumption, sights, sounds and smells to overwhelm the senses of a traveller meandering through a foreign land.
As the sun began to set behind the Royal Palace, the official residence of the King of Cambodia, I noticed this man sitting quietly on the side of a busy street. His pensive expression, position of his hand, bare feet and bicycle of goods, created a pause in me. From a distance I watched him with nothing more than a thought of sonder.
Across from him, sat an older lady on the edge of the river. I had seen her the night before in the same spot, but on this particular evening I decided to approach after realising that she was selling pigeon feed. I gestured to her that I would like to feed the pigeons, she uttered ‘one dollar’ and I sat alongside her for a while, enjoying the experience of pigeons flocking for their sunset feed. I still remember her and I am unsure why. Maybe it was just her gentle presence, the delight she exuded in being where she was when she smiled or something else entirely that I am unable to name. She sparked sonder in me, for a brief moment we were a random stranger in each other’s invisible story.
The middle image was captured on a stop on route up to Kulen Mountain Waterfall. As we headed over to a magnificent view point I spotted three children sitting together. The moment held innocence, beauty, and simplicity. Friends or siblings being together sharing a meal. Maybe it was also the little girls ‘Gucci’ top that made me chuckle. A fleeting moment that brought me a deep sense of joy, as I passed by, curious as to the story of those little lives and where might they lead.
These moments may seem trivial or irrelevant but for me they sit at the heart of our humanity, they elicit intrigue, curiosity and wonder. An acknowledgment of the other, of both our inherent difference and likeness. We don’t have to engage verbally or know the detail of another human life to be paused in our path by their presence.
There is magic and beauty in appearing only once in the invisible story of another.
